I'm okay - you're okay - we're okay

Thanks everyone who left a comment and emailed and MSN'd as well since the last post. I think I freaked out a few of you and I'm really sorry for that.

But as I said to Tamara today, it had to be recorded so that I can remember this moment and not repeat those mistakes. And also, I am really just way too full of myself, that there is NO WAY I would damage this Temple of human kindness and love. I just think I have too much to offer my family and friends (okay, now I have to curb that propensity to talk myself up too much PMSL!!!!)

I really, truly have to thank this beautiful girl....

my "little" sister (she hates it when I say that) Lilly. She is one cool, collected, clever chikkie who has given me soooo much clarity of late. Thank you my Lij!!

So yes, as I foretold, the SHITHOLE has composted nicely and my world is full of REAL possibilities, not those I have imagined that are hopelessly unattainable - I just needed someone to tell me that!!! I often wonder how hard it is for other people to have me in their life.

ARE YOU READY?????

WEDNESDAY NIGHT
We're doing this:




LOVE LOVE LOVE working with watercolour pencils. I did most of it on the couch with my AquaPen...so very relaxing and cool!!!

Okay, fantastic class at Inkredible on Saturday with Ngaire Bartlam where I did this:


and then that night did this:

?? the big button border???? Jolene Pienaar did this awesome layout for a mag last month and I thought - "So that's what you do with those round things!!" I don't know Joelene - but THANK YOU for doing lovely BOY layouts! and of course, thank you Ngaire for the advice, the inspiration, the laughs and always having the time to sit and chat about much and not much.

And OF COURSE I couldn't resist all this yummy stuff in the shop.





This is me being RESTRAINED!! There are just heaps of fantastic lines coming into the shop. Some had already sold out on Saturday !!!

Have soooo much more to upload and record here - have to work out the slider thingy and get the gallery up and running too.

Don't forget the 1000 hours initiative. Sign up. Should be interesting.

And we have a GIRLS ONLY table for the AEIOU Trivia Night on Friday night (okay, well Kathleen's hubby is coming - brave soul). Ang and I are going as the slutty Sandie from Grease!!! Got to get me a freakin' blonde wig now!!

back to being
brighter and buoyant......

!! paralysed !!

That's how I feel right now

unable to think straight
order things in my life
be the mother/wife/friend I want to be

I feel this great surge of helplessness and I feel mute and paralysed.

What an awful feeling....

I have no idea where to begin -

who can help me (not in a "let's have a chat..." way - done heaps of that already)
who can help Rainer (there's the rub!!)
and who can help me to help Rainer.

Do I stay on course?
Alter the current course?
Or jump ship altogether?

I've dug myself this great big, dirty SHITHOLE and I don't know what the answer is to stop it from stinking to high Heaven.

I have lost faith in a lot of people (no need to go into details here) who I trusted to help me answer these questions in the past......

and now I feel lost........

BUT knowing who I am

things will become clearer (which may involve me swallowing my pride a little - really hate that...admitting I "may" have been incorrect or been given information that may not be quite truthful - grrrrrr)

the shithole will compost nicely and fertilise the seed of doubt in my head

and a beautiful garden full of possibilities will emerge....

possibilities.......

Remember when Your Mother said....

If you have nothing nice to say......

don't say anything at all????


I'll be back posting when the scum has been skimmed from the surface of the Crucible (ah, don't you just love a loaded metaphor?!!)

HAPPY EASTER....

So glad to see the money we're spending on Mackinley's Catholic education is paying off!!! Although we're still battling with the question, "Why is Good Friday so GOOD??" and "Who killed Jesus!!?"

You'd think with a major in Theology and all things historical, patristic, sacramental and pedagogical, I'd be able to pare it down to the basics and explain it to my child!!!

YOU'D THINK!!!

Anyhoo, he decided to balance the whole "PASSION CONUNDRUM" with a little battle scene from Star Wars. Yoda is 5th from the right with the pointy ears, and the figures 6th and 7th from the left are having a light sabre duel.

a little interpretation required: "rchreet" is actually RETREAT......(not bad when you think about it!!)
I still need to do extra work on his apostrophe placement (and then I'll teach the WORLD!!!!).

EASTER SUNDAY
A lovely way-too-much-food-again lunch at Mum's. We all commented on how easier it's been the older the kids get. Aside from the fact that Rita, Marc, Cooper and Xavier were at the coast for the weekend - we RELAXED!!!

Mum sold the Merc!!!! The "german tank" that went from the factory floor to our wee abode at Newmarket in 1972, now has a new home (somewhere in Sandgate I believe). Mum's been teary all week and I completely understand. That car was HER car and EVERYONE in the Grange and surrounds knew the car and her and we were forever waving to people in the street. It was kinda cool learning how to drive in that car. I really appreciated quality workmanship and the gentle hummmmmm of European cars. Fabulous stuff. And I doubt anyone else has had a car for that long either!!! They just don't make them like they used to (even Mercedes Benz)!

For the motor buffs - it was a Mercedes Benz 230E Automatic 1971/72. There were only approximately 260 000 made in the dark grape purple colour with cream leather interior. Obviously no crumple zones in this car!!! Farewell old friend. Enjoy your new family. We'll miss you :(

Donnellys over for a BBQ yesterday. I must say for the first time in a LOOOONG time, we were supremely prepared....SUPREMELY!!! It's amazing how the improvement in Rainer has affected our lives! He was happy, we were happy, the food preps were happy - EVERYONE WAS HAPPY AND RELAXED!! I felt like a different person and it felt GOOD!

Here's cheers!!! Today I love my life.

brighter and buoyant....

Clearing the Backlog!!

HOLY GOOD FRIDAY!!

It must seem that I'm doing an awful lot of scrapping, but in reality these projects have been sitting on my table for weeks (or in my wee brain.....stewing, festering, morphing into something....else!) and only now that the fog of sick kiddies and long work days for Michael has cleared, I'm having a SCRAP-BURST!!

Another great Challenge Blog - WHITE WITH 1 (and I can never get enough of being challenged ~cough~). March criteria -- white (der!!), green and the word luck/lucky.
The Fab-o Mrs Trish and I at "Sing for Kids" last October:

and some close-ups:












and I've been toying with the Watercolour pencils again and a whole pack of BG white rub-ons. I think it really would have been a stand-out with gouache instead of watercolours...oh well. Nice change to have a softer boy layout. Need me one of those brushes you fill with water.


I upped the contrast so the rub-ons would stand out, but it hasn't quite worked. Ah well, some close-ups in the next post per-chance.
{{EDITED TO ADD THOSE PESKY CLOSE-UPS!!}}

Junior Soccer Season is fast-approaching. Michael took Mackinley to the fields to mark out the new Roo Ball fields and decided to stay and mow with a couple of other parents who came to help out. There are never enough volunteers I've noticed. Doesn't matter where you play and what you play, it's the same parents each week who are there from start to finish making sure the day runs smoothly and the club doesn't fold. And then you have the same number of parents who like to spend the season complaining about how badly run the club is. Well, they are always welcome to step in and run things the way they feel it should!!! SERIOUSLY! Put your time where your mouth is. A club always needs fresh ideas........or zip it and be thankful.

Phew. That felt good!!!

And listening to this band ALWAYS makes me smile. Took me ages to find on YouTube!!! This is one of those bands you wish you'd made time to see. There's always next time (hopefully).


brighter and buoyant.......

ouch!!! going blind....

Ooops. It seems I've put my dear husband's nose out of joint. He politely reminded me tonight (seriously, he's just walked in from a meeting) that he and Rossy DON'T see each other all the time. It only APPEARS that way because they talk on the phone ALL THE TIME!!

Sorry honey!!

And I think I might password protect this blog. A girl has to have SOME secrets!!! -- just kidding....about the password, not the secrets!! Jeez.

Yes, I got Blind tonight. A nice bottle of Cab Sav, Michael out, kids in bed early (enough) and sat down to BLIND SCRAPPING at Scrap Therapy, hosted by the fabulous Belinda.



{{EDITED TO ADD SOME CLOSE-UPS}}




I really enjoyed the format and the end result. There's no album up for it yet so I'm being an eager beaver and wacking it on here.

Excited!!! Have got a couple of emails from some awesome scrappers and artists. I blog-hop and end up in some really amazing places. Don't have much time for that any more, but gosh, it was a heap of fun and people just love it when you love their work.

Funny that!!!

So from now on, must always leave comments on people's blogs.

Have my yummy materials for the next class at Inkredible. I'm excited!!! White on white, paint and yummo paper from Kaisercraft. Bring some yummy photos to use. Promise I won't make you do weird stuff to them, like soaking or sanding to within an inch of it's life .... pmsl.

FIRST WEDNESDAY NIGHT IN APRIL. And of course, Ngaire is doing next Saturday at Inkredible. Should be fun.

And I know I promised not to go out the night before (yes, Tamara), BUT spoke to Varna and we're meeting up next Friday night at Chalk Hotel. At least I don't have to get to the class until 1.30pm.

NEED GOUACHE AND CANVASES AND A MELTING POT!!!! I have withdrawal symptoms :(

Must upload photos of what I've dubbed our "alternative Mum's Group meeting" (hehe) but just waiting for some approvals. Don't want anyone outed from Witness Protection, do we???

more excitement news soon (so much to tell, so little time/attention span)

brighter and buoyant.....

the week that was ** A WINNER ** can you help??

I always like pushing myself to the limit. When I was young, energetic, foolish and pig-headed - I used to thrive on being overly-busy and (when the term became popular) "stressed".

These days, hmmmm, not so much. I do love to be challenged and scrapbooking has given my a great creative outlet for that (people love my stories about just how much a piece of ribbon can be tortured!!). On an emotional level, this week just about broke me. Rainer has his cough back and it's meant 3 days home with me, coughing like crazy and having monumental melt-downs!! I've been scratched, punched, bitten, head-butted, wrestled to the ground, pinched. Rainer has been slamming himself into all sorts of walls, doors, furniture and even glass. I was actually hoping for the police to turn up, just so I could hand him over, jump into the car and run away.

But then the screaming stops, the little breathless and exhausted body snuggles into mine and he huffs himself to sleep. I guess it's then that I remember that all these perceived BAD moments are a step forward. Believe it or not. He's beginning to make choices and get mightily peeved when I don't make the right one for him. HE wants to take control - AND THAT'S GREAT. But there's the obvious down side and I was glad to have Mum with me Thursday and Friday (coincidentally) to put a lot of his behaviour into perspective. "It's not just autistic children that behave that way, you know!!"

Yes Mum, I know.

Back-to-back 40th birthday parties!!! This year we both turn 40 which means just about everyone we know and love turns 40 this year. Lucien's was Thursday night at Lychee Lounge (just love the cocktails there) and Friday night was Graham's at Mercure Hotel - bagpipes and all!! It's awesome to get dressed up NICE for a change. We haven't seen Graham and Natalie for about 3 years. Michael and Rossy see each other all the time {rolls eyes} so yes, it's the rest of us that miss out - LOL.

No scrapbooking to speak of, although I do love some of the challenges out there. Maybe I'll get something done by the end of the month. (yes, I hear the sarcastic laughter from all corners of the blog-world!)

CONGRATULATIONS PT. I really couldn't get past the list of ultimate sacrifices in just one day!!!! Your bag of goodies await. And so too for Tamara and Melanie. Can't resist being in an overly generous mood (and getting rid of some girlie scrap stuff - heehee)

My people will call your people, blah, blah, blah.......

HELP WANTED.....
This is on
1000 hours
I've registered because any initiative that helps our children reach their potential is a good one, and I've also spent the last week finding about how little funding there is in child health and development. Go to the website, have a read and that figure of $40 000+ per annum ... is no joke either.

And this is on
AEIOU Trivia Night
I can just imagine how many KISS fans will turn up. I have no idea, so any suggestions would be appreciated.

brighter and buoyant.....(and some bruises this week)